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Unreasonable passion, irrational exuberance

Filtering by Category: Putting the rant in restaurant

Misty-eyed, and not (just) from mesquite smoke

Daniel Yudkin

It was my last day today at the restaurant.  Mark the manager sent me off with all the bells and whistles appropriate for a grand send-off: a $40 paycheck and  his Dakota-logo business card.   I will miss many things: the cooks barking orders across the sound of the grill, the marble-eyed elk heads adorning the bare-wood dining room walls, the constant Lady Gaga and Kanye West blasting from the dishwashers' hits radio station.   I've learned the best way to sweep one-handed an entire T-bone into a small dustbin, how to decorate a Manhattan, and how to smile and nod when someone gets up from their table, accosts you in the middle of the restaurant, tells you that since it's been 25 minutes since they ordered and it's obviously your fault, YOU should decide which they should miss: their dinner or their show, "Hamlet: an Interpretive Dance."But I will miss the people most of all, the coworkers.

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Front-row seats to the freakshow: yours for $40!

Daniel Yudkin

How much does a day-pass to Six Flags cost?  Let's say it's like forty bucks.  Well that’s how much I think I’m going to start charging for anyone who wants to try my job for a day: it’s like an emotional rollercoaster and a freakshow all rolled into one.   

Examples: 

1.  The table of four that paid me with a used $1 scratch ticket. 

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I can barely sleep...

Daniel Yudkin

Imagine if Christmas came more often than it does.  Imagine it came not once a year or once a month, not even once a week, but THREE TIMES A WEEK.  Then you start to have an idea of how incredible being a waiter is: IT'S A HOLIDAY BASICALLY EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK!!! Let me explain.  Tonight was one of my favorite holidays.  Tonight.  Was SALT AND PEPPER Night!!!!!!

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Tips for being a successful waiter: 1) Bullshit. 2) Bullshit.

Daniel Yudkin

OK, I'll admit it: after a 3-week tenure at the Dakota my level of menu-memorization is still woefully inadequate, what with the various side platters, house wines, and surf+turf options available in countless combinations.  Truthfully I hardly know the difference between a Ribeye and a New York Strip.  But I can't let on to the customers!  With a table of four looking up at me trustingly after asking how the Fire-Grilled Rainbow Trout is prepared, the words "I don't know" are an impossibility. Even the age-old cop-out "Let me go check in back!" seems out of the question.  There's just too much FAITH in the air!  

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Saving the world, one stuffed shrimp platter at a time

Daniel Yudkin

The time has come to officially reveal my new identity: Professional Server at the Dakota Fine Food and Steakhouse Restaurant Business, Open 12-10 Daily and Serving a Variety of Meats and Fresh Seafood Grilled to Your Taste and Boldly Seasoned, Incorporated.  

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